Not Eloquent At All

After it happened, I sat in the hospital lobby for about two hours, mainly because I had forgotten how to walk. Then I sat in my car in the parking lot of a strip mall for another two.

After that, I got a hotel room, and I sat in a warm bath as long as I could. Then I curled up naked on top of the bedcovers, thinking that maybe if I closed my eyes and stayed there long enough, he'd show up and crawl into bed behind me. I waited until my whole body was shaking from the cold. And then I waited some more.

He never showed up.

This will not be as eloquent as it should be. In fact, this will probably not be eloquent at all. But this is Mr. Badger as I knew him.

Mr. Badger smiled with his whole face, and he was smiling the majority of the time. He laughed loudly and often.

Everything Mr. Badger enjoyed, he enjoyed 100%. There was no half-assery when it came to his enjoyment.

Mr. Badger drank Irish Breakfast tea in the morning, and he would only resort to English Breakfast tea if Irish was not available. It was the principle of the thing, you know.

Mr. Badger only had a sweet tooth in the morning.

Mr. Badger did not have a celebrity crush on Britney Spears or Angelina Jolie. He had a celebrity crush on Allison Janney from The West Wing.

Mr. Badger hated moving house, just like everyone else. However, he was the kind of person who would help you move without complaining about it. Not only that, he would offer to help you move, rather than force you to ask him for help.

Mr. Badger was a legitimate genius.

Mr. Badger was also so simple he was a mystery. To him, history, politics, and public policy were complicated, but people and such--well, what's to know?

Of course, this meant that Mr. Badger also had a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth. A lot.

Mr. Badger was a stubborn mule of a man who drove me absolutely frickin' crazy sometimes.

Mr. Badger was fiercely loyal and completely genuine.

Mr. Badger was unfashionably, old-fashionedly romantic.

Mr. Badger was private and respectful and discreet. While he would certainly sing a lady's praises in public, he would never say anything that would give anyone the slightest chance to cast aspersions about her moral character. He was Old School that way. 1880s Old School.

Mr. Badger was a passionate and generous and indulgent lover.

Mr. Badger loved me in a way that was remarkably honest and straightforward. He delighted in me--body, mind, eccentricities and all--completely without judgment. Without wanting to change anything. Well, okay, without wanting to change anything except the fact that I hate watching sports. He certainly didn't always understand me, and I certainly frustrated the hell out of him sometimes, but he still accepted the stuff that frustrated him. Which meant it was okay to be myself around him. He even saw the unflattering Crying, Snotty, Emotionally-Overwrought Me, and the oh-so-rare and even more unflattering Bratty, Foot-Stamping Me, and he still didn't run for the hills. Because he loved me, he just accepted all parts of me. And he did something that no man has ever, ever done...he loved me like it was easy.

How could that be possible? I think this is the answer:

Mr. Badger tended to think of himself as a Guy, but Mr. Badger was really a Man.

Oh, Mr. Badger...you deserved so much better than all of this.

You will be missed.

You will be missed.